The pros and cons of heaven

Updated: May 1



Like many of us, I was raised believing there was a heaven and a hell.

If you were good you went to one place, and if you were bad, the other.

So I made a quick pros and cons list of what I believe to expect for those who make it into heaven...


THE PROS...

  • Not running into any billionaires, most GOP members of Congress, bankers, lawyers, Kanye West, televangelists, real estate developers, slum landlords, white supremacists, Vladimir The Butcher Putin or members of the Treasonous Trump family

  • There's no QAnon, NewsMax, Fox News or ridiculous Truth Social

  • No pollution

  • An eternal open bar and free pot cookies

  • The absence of cholesterol, arthritis, cancers, strokes, Alzheimer’s, viral pandemics, etc

  • Nice pleasant weather year-round

  • No forest fires, floods, earthquakes, or hurricanes

  • Amazing parking spots at all hours

  • Never gaining weight

  • Freed from watching Jeff Goldbloom, Nicolas Cage, or Adam Sandler attempting to be actors

  • You can suddenly speak every language on earth perfectly

  • The lack of televised anything Kardashian

  • No artificially inflated rents, food, real estate, and gas prices

  • On a given night your dinner guests might include Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Ernest Hemingway, Duke Ellington, Leonardo da Vinci, and Abraham Lincoln

  • An unlimited supply of bacon cheeseburgers and beer

  • No screeching police sirens waking you up at night

  • Free vintage wines and spirits forever

  • Drug addiction doesn’t exist

  • Nice soft clouds to lounge on and make perpetual whoopee in

  • No road traffic

  • Unlimited naps

  • Instantly perfect teeth

  • Nails and hair requiring no trimming

  • No need for the overdue decent minimum wage or Universal Basic Income

  • No racism, hate, or wars

  • No white privilege

  • No damn firearms

  • You don’t have to die ever again

CONS

Hold on, I’m still thinking.

Nope can't find any.


The End

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