Like many of us, I was raised believing there was a heaven and a hell.
If you were good you went to one place, and if you were bad, the other.
So I made a quick pros and cons list of what I believe to expect for those who make it into heaven...
Not running into any billionaires, most GOP members of Congress, bankers, lawyers, Kanye West, televangelists, real estate developers, slum landlords, white supremacists, Vladimir The Butcher Putin or members of the Treasonous Trump family
There's no QAnon, NewsMax, Fox News or ridiculous Truth Social
An eternal open bar and free pot cookies
The absence of cholesterol, arthritis, cancers, strokes, Alzheimer’s, viral pandemics, etc
Nice pleasant weather year-round
No forest fires, floods, earthquakes, or hurricanes
Amazing parking spots at all hours
Never gaining weight
Freed from watching Jeff Goldbloom, Nicolas Cage, or Adam Sandler attempting to be actors
You can suddenly speak every language on earth perfectly
The lack of televised anything Kardashian
No artificially inflated rents, food, real estate, and gas prices
On a given night your dinner guests might include Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Ernest Hemingway, Duke Ellington, Leonardo da Vinci, and Abraham Lincoln
An unlimited supply of bacon cheeseburgers and beer
No screeching police sirens waking you up at night
Free vintage wines and spirits forever
Drug addiction doesn’t exist
Nice soft clouds to lounge on and make perpetual whoopee in
No road traffic
Instantly perfect teeth
Nails and hair requiring no trimming
No need for the overdue decent minimum wage or Universal Basic Income
No racism, hate, or wars
No white privilege
No damn firearms
You don’t have to die ever again
Hold on, I’m still thinking.
Nope can't find any.
Media content publishers may purchase reproduction rights HERE